God's plan

The priest came in and consoled me. “Be strong. God may have other plans for your baby and for your family.”

I politely told him that he may have mistaken me for someone else. Heaven Czar, our son, is doing just fine.

At the Neonatal Intensive Care Unite, next to Heaven was another pre-term baby inside an incubator. The baby’s young mother, barely 20 years old, sat still, silently crying. Her newborn was dying, primarily due to complications with the baby’s heart. The baby’s sex, I heard, was also unsure. The baby was born without an identifiable genitalia.

The priest was there to baptize the baby. The parents decided to have the baby discharged from the hospital and await the baby’s last moments in the company of loved-ones.

A nurse aide was helping Aires express breast milk for Heaven. Yesterday, Aires expressed about 0.8 cc of colostrum. Heaven was given 0.1 cc every hour since last night. We experienced firsthand what breastfeeding experts and advocates have said all along: Just a few drops in the first few days is enough for your baby’s tiny tummy.

All night long, however, Aires became feverish. It was another sleepless night because the fever reached 40 degrees. Everybody believes it is because of the un-expressed milk in Aires.

So while the young mother next to us was coming to terms with her child’s farewell, Aires sat there, silently enduring the pain of expressing her life-giving gift.

The priest started the rites. The nurses and doctors stood as witnesses. We all joined in the prayer. Aires was expressing milk. I stood praying, beside Heaven, stroking his tiny fingers, telling him that indeed God has big plans for him. Saying farewell this early, I firmly believe, is not one of them