To belong, to decide, to believe

I have many friends but I keep a select few.

I will do the work just don’t bug me about it.

I want to be assured always that I am loved.

My officemates and I took a personality type test called the Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation-Behavior(FIRO-B) invented by William Schultz in 1958. We were given a questionnaire that asks about how we relate with other people. The results looked at three categories: inclusion, control, and affection.

“Inclusion” refers to the degree to which a person associates with others in a social setting. “Control” talks about the extent to which a person assumes responsibility, makes decisions or dominates people. “Affection” means the degree to which a person is comfortable sharing his or her thoughts and feeling with others. For each category, two scores appear ranging from 0 to 9. One score refers to an expressed need. Another score refers to a want.

For inclusion, I got a paired score of 7-1. This may be interpreted to mean that I often express the need to be with friends but if I have my way I may opt to be just in the privacy of my own home. For this test, I got the label: Now You See Him, Now You Don’t. My Ateneo friends are surely nodding their heads now.

For control, I scored 6-2, clinching for me the label: Self-Confident. A self-confident person is someone who can do the job really well but prefers not to be bugged about it. Tell me what you want and I will deliver. Just don’t pester me about my progress from time to time. That pretty much sums up how I work. I will get the job done. I will make it happen. Just let me do it my way.

For affection, I got a high score of 7-6, an optimist. Not the one who always see things in the positive light. An optimist, according to Schultz, is someone who expresses the need to be loved and desires this very much. At home, this means that I always need to hear the words, “I love you.” At work, this means that I always need to be told, “Great job!”

I am totally amazed at how my seemingly innocent responses to the questionnaire get to paint a complete picture of my personality. It also helps to know what the scores tell about my colleagues. Today, we see one another in a different light. So instead of getting bothered by a reaction from a colleague, I get to count from one to ten and understand why.

We may all be different but we all want to belong, to decide for our own, and to believe that we have value in this world. It's a bit a shame that I have to take a questionnaire just to be reminded of this.