How Ondoy lost and found me

Ondoy swept us off our feet (in a not so good way) and left us, well,... homeless. It has been a month since the Great Flood of 2009 and we are still picking up pieces of ourselves --- wet documents, soiled clothes, mold-infested books, faded photographs. My family has not yet returned to our humble home in Marikina. Renovation is still ongoing, and cleaning up is taking us ages.

Ondoy did not just get our stuff wet and muddy. Memories got erased and lost. I cried when I tried to salvage what were left from my photo album. Baby pictures all the way to my high school adventures were vanishing before my eyes.

But as we continued to sort through the debris of our lives, memories were found anew and resurrected too. Old letters. Old diaries. Old secrets. Old reports.

I found my Harrison Inner View Profile Report. In October 1998, when I was still a professor at the Assumption College, I took a personality test (maybe for AC to discover if I were a threat to their students). It was a general description of my character traits relating to the workplace. It determined suitability for a particular position, even suggesting what I should take as a career.

In summary, the report reads:

“Nilo is quite open-minded and reflective. He tends to stick to a task and persevere. Nilo is good at the implementation stage of projects. He is very creative and progressive. Nilo is very innovative. He is very capable of being tactful. However, he may often have difficulty being frank and/or getting to the point. He may hesitate a great deal to express his real feelings. He can become very evasive. He is extremely helpful and conscious of others’ needs. Nilo, however, may have some difficulty putting forward his own needs. For Nilo, doing work that benefits others/society is extremely important. Nilo has a strong intention to improve himself. He is extremely empathetic and warm. He is quite flexible and adaptable to changes. He enjoys planning.”

I remember reading the report in 1998 and getting amazed at how my spontaneous responses to a random set of questions created a picture of who I was.

In the Career Options part of the report, I was presented with jobs that suited my personality. Third option is to be an interior decorator. (Maybe because I wanted to become an architect when I was young). Second option is to be a child care worker. (Maybe because I really loved being around children). First option is to be a priest. (Maybe because I did not have a mean bone in my body).

More than 10 years after taking that personality test, what has become of me? Today, I am not an interior decorator. (Although I’m acting it out now that we are renovating). I am definitely not a priest. (There’s already one in the family). I may be called a child care worker. (That’s why the C in UNICEF is Children).

I found the report among the stuff of my wife, Aires. That was strange, I thought. Later, Aires reminded me that I gave it to her in my feeble attempt to let her know who I was. (Maybe hoping that she would give me her sweetest “Yes!”). I was not sure if she read it though. She would have said “No!” after finding out I had what it takes to become a priest.

I found the report at a time when I felt down and low. Reading it made me see who I was in 1998 and who I am now. Much has not changed, I must admit. It is not that I have stagnated. It is more of me being already robust as a person when I was still in my 20s.

I found the report at a time when I needed to figure out who I was. Reading it made me see that there was no need to do the figuring out. I just needed to remember that the Nilo who took the test in 1998 may still be the same person today. (How I wish I could say the same about my weight and waistline!)

But anyway, thanks to Ondoy. I lost Myself but found Me again.