Sky Hotel and all things Skye

Three months.

It has been three months since Skye bid goodbye.

How do we keep her memories alive? Aires keeps on reading about Trisomy 18, praying that a miracle cure will soon be discovered. She immerses in a renewed advocacy to help women succeed in breastfeeding. She also volunteers at a center for abandoned children.

I think of Skye all the time and thank her for guiding our healing. I get reminded of her through the most inconspicuous ways. At the airport the other, I saw a tow truck with tireguards. On the tireguards are painted the word, Sky. I passed by a side street and there hidden is an inn called Sky Hotel.

Heaven prays every night, asking God to tell Skye to watch over him all the time. He gets excited when he says a baby girl and plays peek-a-boo with those he meets.He asks the most thought-provoking questions. "Why did Skye die? How does Skye become an angel? Why couldn't I play with Skye before?"

We see Skye in baby girls all dolled up by their loving parents. We hear her in songs about life and love. We feel her when we sleep at night. We dream of her in a pretty pink dress, smiling, playing, and most of all without pain.

That's how our healing goes. There is comfort in knowing that Skye's suffering is finally over.

Have you sold a toilet lately?

They are not sales persons. They are ordinary folks plucked from a town that has not known peace or progress.

In the town of Paglat where nine of 10 families have no toilets, Oxfam Philippines gathered volunteers who are willing to learn and help their neighbors have their own toilets. Paglat is a fifth class municipality in the province of Maguindanao. Almost 70% of people live below the poverty line.

The challenge seems simple. Design a toilet that residents can afford. But the product costs between 3 to 10 thousand pesos.

Can the people of Paglat afford this with an average monthly income of only 1,100 pesos?

Called market facilitators, the volunteers underwent a training on sanitation marketing to help them sell toilets. The Center for Health Solutions and Innovations Philippines Inc, (CHSI) designed a highly participatory and creative workshop for the market facilitators.

At first, they thought it was not possible to sell the toilet at its current price. But when they tried their sales pitch with a sample of residents, they all felt ecstatic. Out of 15 residents, 12 already wanted to buy the product.

After the trial marketing, Oxfam and the market facilitators will finetune the product to meet the standards they set for it: affordable, durable and likeable.

The volunteers now call themselves as MMK (Mga May Kasilyas). They are not sales persons. They are not paid to sell toilets. But they all understand now that they are not just selling toilets. They are peddling dreams, safety, health, cleanliness, and most of all, dignity.

Tears for a TV wedding

On TV the other day, Bride-to-be gets a Barbie treatment for her bridal shower, not knowing Fiance is springing a surprise the morning after. She will be married the next day.When the surprise wedding unfolds, Bride gets teary-eyed with Groom's vows.

It was not my usual TV fare but I watched it anyway. I started tearing up too. At first, I didn't know why. But I came to realize it was about Skye.

I did not imagine a wedding scene would make me cry that hard. I would never get to experience walking Skye down the aisle. 

The longing for Skye comes to us at the most unexpected moments.When these moments come, we just let ourselves cry our hearts out.

I will never be the Father-Who-Walked-His-Daughter-Down-the-Aisle but I am and will forever be the Father-Who-Vowed-To-Take-Care-Of-His-Daughter-With-All-His-Strength-and-Love. 

Happy Eight Months, Skye!

The miracle of breast milk

My son, Heaven, would have been formula-fed. I was. I prepared my younger siblings' milk when they were babies. Most of my nephews and nieces were bottle-fed. And TV ads said infant formula make a baby a "gifted child".

But thanks to UNICEF, I learned a lot of stuff about breastfeeding. When I worked for UNICEF, I found myself talking to pregnant women in grocery cashier stalls, markets and malls, urging them to consider breastfeeding. I tried to convince friends and relatives to breastfeed their babies. My wife, Aires, cautioned me that I was sounding too pushy and know-it-all already.

That was when I really reflected on why most women chose bottle-feeding over breastfeeding. Ask a mom about breast milk and she most likely will tell you that it is best for babies. Yet, this knowledge does not translate to actual practice.

I once prepared communication materials for a breastfeeding campaign. We used the headline "The Magic of Breastfeeding." I thought it was brilliant but when I pre-tested the materials to a group of breastfeeding women, I was wrong.

Magic is about waving a wand and making something happen in a blink of an eye. Magic is about spreading dust powder over one's body and flying to Neverland. Magic is about spells and encantations.

Breastfeeding is not like that at all, said the women. A mother and her baby have to work really hard in unison to make breastfeeding happen. If that happens, it is not magic but a miracle.

I had my Eureka moment. I stopped using the "Every mother can" mantra of breastfeeding. I started listening and looking for cues from mothers themselves. Every woman has a unique story to tell. But they share common experiences.

Every mother wishes the best for their newborn. My job is to find the cue that will convince a mother to choose breastfeeding. It usually begins with finding her primary concern. This concern may be simple and menial to complex and clinical.

For my wife, Aires, it was about exposing herself to others. So, we found a way for her to breastfeed our son Heaven even in public places. Thanks to blankets, blouses and brassieres. Heaven was exclusively breastfed for seven months (he was a premature baby) and continued to be breastfed until age 3.

To most women, it was about not having enough milk. So, I started educating women in barangays about the newborn digestive system and comparing baby stomach sizes with calamansi, tomato and egg. On day 1, a newborn baby's stomach is as small as a calamansi. That is why about 1-3 spoons of breast milk is all the baby needs every feeding. That is why a few drops of breast milk is all that flows on the first day. And that is the miracle of breastfeeding.

This is the miracle that happened when our daughter Skye lived for five months. Born with Trisomy 18 condition, Skye was not expected to live even for a day. But she fought for five months and was nourished with the little milk that Aires could muster and the volumes of breast milk donated by kind strangers.

Aires and I saw how a mother's milk can save the life of another mother's child. Our passion to convince women to breastfeed finds another dimension.

But when a woman chooses still to formula feed her baby, I never use the card that reads: "If you love your child, you will breastfeed." She just needs to know that, in the end, it is still her decision that will prevail.

I am just glad that this woman is not my wife.