The good parents

Aires’ friends from the Ateneo recently threw her a baby shower get-together.

It was a night for the couples. Ruby and Mannix Evangelista came. Elsa and Vince Magtibay came. Vhangie and Alf Quemada came. Jacque Aguinaldo and Wilmer Sabaria came. (Well, everybody wished Jacque and Wilmer came as a couple.)

Ruby was games mistress and ruled with an iron fist. She came prepared with props and prizes and rules she created along the way.

They gave us gifts for Heaven Czar. But the most valuable ones were the lessons they shared about marriage, parenting, and children. Here are the best tips we have ever heard from friends whom we have known from our teener’s years at the Ateneo.

Vince: Your faith will see you through.
Elsa: Give what is the best for your child.
Ruby: Say what you feel.
Mannix: Know your priorities.
Vhangie: You feel what your child feels.
Alf: Each child is unique.
Jacque: God knows what is best for you.
Wilmer: There is always time for change.

Indeed, God knows what is best for us. He made us wait this long and let our friends get a head start. Aires and I listened to their stories and wondered what stories and lessons would we share next time. In the meantime, their stories give us a living narrative of how to become good parents.

Lost and found

I am good with directions. I can easily find my way to an unfamiliar destination. I can also find my out. I make a good cab driver, my wife Aires once quipped. I am not afraid to test unknown streets and curves. If I get lost, I just roll my window down and ask politely for directions.

I also follow directions really well. I can be left alone to decipher how to set up a new software or how to build a book shelf.

But recently I made a big boo-boo with directions. Of all things, it had to be with a new prescription for Aires. Our gynecologist asked us to buy a skin patch. The patch has nitroglycerin which dilates blood vessels allowing better blood flow. It is usually for patients with heart problems but, for Aires, it is meant to regulate the blood flow from her cardiovascular system into the baby’s own system.

One late night, Aires asked me to read the directions. I got one patch and took off the protective covering and attached the patch on Aires’ tummy. For three nights, I did the same routine. The patch wouldn’t hold for a long period of time. Aires soon found out that I did something wrong. I was attaching the protective covering and not the adhesive patch that contained the medicine.

My only excuse? I was so sleepy that night when I read the directions that I got it all mixed up. My other excuse? Sorry, I am just human, still prone to make mistakes, no matter how great I claim to be with directions.

But Aires lost a little faith in me. She now double-checks everything I do when it comes to her prescription drugs. It may take some time again to get her confidence. But I believe she will believe in me in due time.

I got lost. I would find my way back home.

The waiting game

My wife, Aires, reached many milestones in her life this year.

She finally got pregnant. She finally finished reading a novel. She finally YM-ed her friends. She finally realized that her husband (that’s me) really loves her. She finally learnt that God never forsakes. That He simply waits for the right time to give you the right wish for the right purpose.

Aires says that her life has been a life of waiting. Waiting for real friends --- when she was in grade school. Waiting for a head start after college. Waiting for a satisfactory career. Waiting for the right partner. Waiting for the chance to celebrate motherhood.

She would be the first to admit that patience is not her virtue. She does get cranky if she doesn’t get what she wants. But when she reflects on how she waited for the finer things in life, she realizes that she is indeed patient.

Today, she still gets cranky but she has finally learnt to count her blessings, the small triumphs, the inconspicuous milestones. She is preparing herself for the milestones that Heaven Czar, our first born-to-be, will achieve. In the meantime, the waiting continues.

Aires

isang palaisipan
marahil
bulong ng hangin
sa kislot ng ulap
sambit ang dalangin
takot kilalanin
kahit ngayon
kipkipin

isang bugtong
pasakalye
litanya ng ale
sa takda ng orasyon
sambit ang dalangin
tiwalang didinggin
kahit bukas
manimdim

palaisipan
bugtong
takot
tiwala
ngayon
bukas
lagi kang
mamahalin

My heart

Once I drew a heart
With a pastel chalk
A perfect shade of red
With gentle contours.

But the color didn’t last.
The heart faded away.

Then I drew another heart
With a child’s crayon
A pointed tip of red
With bolder strokes.

But the crayon broke.
The heart looked empty.

Then I drew the last of hearts
With my own blood
What a mess I made
With crimson drips.

The bleeding didn’t stop.
The heart was wounded.

But at last, now, I have my heart.

Heaven on earth

From head to toe, Heaven is doing well.

Aires and I are amazed at the images we are seeing. The sonologist probes and probes, finding the best view to check if our baby is doing well. The procedure is called congenital anomaly scanning, done through trans-abdominal ultrasound. Such a scary term for such an amazing test!

The doctor walks us through the scan for almost an hour. He shows Heaven’s head and face. Heaven’s eyes are complete. So are his nose, lips, and ears. And he yawns! What a sight!

The doctor searches for Heaven’s hands. They are a bit hidden. The right hand is touching his right ear. We count his fingers with anxiety and excitement. He has five fingers in both hands!

A few adjustments here and there and we see his pulsating heart. No heart hole, check! We see his diaphragm. His lungs are forming. We see a gastric bubble, what is to become his stomach. We also see his kidneys.

The doctor measures his leg bones, the femur. The length of this bone, plus the size of his head and torso will estimate his gestational weight. He is now almost half a kilo.

The doctor moves the probe and searches for Heaven’s weenie. We see it and the doctor freezes the image and keys in the letters B-O-Y. There’s no mistaking now. Heaven Czar is indeed a boy.

We see his feet and count again. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 toes. Complete, check!

The Doppler test follows next. This test measures blood flow to the brain, heart and kidney. Everything is okay. Heaven is getting all the nutrients he needs. His development is within the range expected for his gestational age of 24 weeks or six months.

After the uncertainty in the first three months of the pregnancy, seeing Heaven through this ultrasound keeps our hopes up high. Our Heaven indeed is here on earth.

It takes 12

"You are always smiling, Nilo."

I was scurrying along our office corridor one day, hopping from one department to another, when I bumped into a colleague. I said sorry and blazed to my next destination. I heard her holler at me, "Great that you are always smiling, Nilo!"

I looked back at her and smiled again. I moved on with my day's hustle-bustle sked, still remembering what my colleague said.

Why do I smile a lot these days?

There are many reasons to smile and be happy despite the never-ending assignments and tons of work. I am happy because I will be a father very soon. I am happy because Aires and our soon-to-be first-born Heaven are doing well. I am happy because my work team will be finally complete soon.

Experts say that it just takes 12 facial muscles to smile and only 11 to frown. What's one extra muscle to show how happy you really are. So, smile and spread the cheers.