Love letters

Dearest Skye,

You are now 110 days old.

Most parents count months. Your Nanay and I count days. This is how we accepted what God has given us.

We stopped asking why you were born with an extra chromosome. You are called a Trisomy 18 baby. One in 6,000 babies gets this condition for causes unknown to doctors. All they know is you are “incompatible with life.”  

You were still inside Nanay when doctors told us something was wrong. Nanay had too much water. You were too small. Your fists were clenched.

We cried after reading about Trisomy. We kept our hopes up but feared for the worst.

The fear became real. When you were born, your doctor asked my consent to put a tube into your mouth to help you breathe. I said “Yes.” I wanted to give you a chance even if the odds were against you. Trisomy 18 babies especially with heart problems do not make it. You have three holes in your heart. We did not know if you could make it.

You survived the first hour, day, week and month. You spent two months at the hospital. Your doctors were amazed how you fought for your life. One doctor thought you would live for only 45 days. I did not ask her how she calculated it. We were just too excited and anxious to take you home.

At home, we monitor your oxygen level, suction secretions and insert a feeding tube. We keep watch 24/7, taking note of your vital signs. We are humbled by the kindness of strangers who donate breastmilk. Their gift of nourishment has helped you reach your first 100 days.

Today, we continue counting. We treasure every second, minute, hour, day and night we have with you. We love you very much.

Dearest Kuya Heaven,

You are almost five years old now. We waited for you for six years.

You, however, can’t wait to have your next birthday party. You want a Ninja Turtles party. You will dress up as Leo. I will come as Master Splinter.

Though we argue every day, we end up every night praying for good dreams for you, good strength for me, good protection for Nanay and good health for Skye.

You are a wonderful Kuya to Skye. I feared before that you would become jealous of Skye but you held your own. You can’t wait for Skye to play with you. You always whisper to Skye to grow up fast so we all can go to Disneyland.

You will be in Senior Nursery soon. Thank you for making us proud. Thank you too for telling people that you take after your Tatay.

Dearest Nanay Aires,

You are the strongest woman I’ve ever known. You say you’re not but look at our children.

Heaven is as goal-oriented and Skye as resilient as you are. Knowing what you want and enduring life’s challenges are your strengths. Heaven claims he takes after me. But the truth is --- Heaven and Skye are a lot like you.

After Skye was born, my first thought was you. How would you take the news? But when you held my hand and said that you fully accepted what God gave to us, I just lost it. You let me cry. You said Skye was given to us to keep us together. She came when we were at our weakest, when we almost gave up on each other.

You are so strong that you made a leap of faith. You resigned from work to be with our children. Please don’t ever regret doing this.

You break down sometimes. You owe that to yourself. You asked me one night if I still get depressed. I also have these moments when I wished things were different.

But these moments have become brief and scant. I don’t want to dwell in the what-if’s of life. I just want to live a life with a special daughter, a smart son and a super woman --- one day at a time.

Love,

Tatay Nilo