Heaven's worst week ever

It's happening.

The defiance. The excuses. The tug-o-war.

I have been at home with our seven year old son, Heaven, for the past week. He had a fever a week before last and missed his quarterly exams. I had to stay with him as he took his make-up tests.

We found ourselves at odds with each other on several occasions. In exasperation Heaven cried: "This is the worst week ever."

"And why is that?"

"Because all you did was order me around," he reasoned. And in mockery, he mimicked me: "Heaven, do this! Heaven, do that! Heaven, wash your hands! Heaven, eat your food! Heaven, go to sleep!"

Of course, that remark floored me. In retaliation, I "ordered" him to write down all the things that made his week the worst one ever. Here is what he wrote....

"No. 1. Tatay didn't check his viber on sportsfest. Bad thing it was supposed (sic) to be our Christmas party! Now I had to dress up agan (sic). Then I didn't get to eat my breakfast!!! No. 2 I was watching tv then sudenly (sic) I acsidenty (sic) turned it off then I got angry I pulled my hair I had to wait for another 20 minutes I guess. No. 3. I was about to write on my scrath (sic) note then I saw a drawing of earth. It was my last page and I knew who did it. It was my Ate! I was so upset I did not even eat brekfast! (sic)."

On another page, I "ordered" him to write down all the things made him happy during the week. Here is what he wrote....

"No. 1. I was happy that I got to finish my homework before flag cerany (sic). No. 2 I was happy that my cough was a little gone. No. 3 I was happy that Nanay Aires did not forbiden (sic) me to watch "Star Wars, the Force Awakens: Episode IVV (sic). No. 4  I was happ (sic) that I could see my old classmates and I could have some fun with them. No. 5 I am very happy because I will get to be with or having bonding with my parents that I will watch Star Wars with them at Makinton (sic) or maybe somewhere else I guess."

After doing this, I asked him: "What did you learn after doing this?" He said: "To control my emotions?"

I rest my case.

Rak of Aegis: Luha, Baha at Iba Pa

Call me a cry-baby. I don't care.

I got teary-eyed when the TV screen showed footage of people wading in neck deep flood waters. There I was with my wife to watch PETA's hit musical, Rak of Aegis, and I was tearing up three minutes into the play. The play struck a chord in me. Memories of Ondoy came flooding back.

But when the colorful characters of Villa Venizia started belting out familiar Aegis songs, I cut short my Ondoy melancholy and got swept away by the play's amazing narrative, stellar performances, engaging musical arrangement, spot-on design and crisp direction.

Rak of Aegis follows the story of Aileen (Aicelle Santos), a promodizer, who dreams of becoming a YouTube hit. She lives in Villa Venizia, a community still submerged in neck-deep flood three months after a typhoon. Aileen completes a love triangle with Kenny (Myke Salomon), the village hearthrob and Tolits (Pepe Herrera), the village nobody. Aileen's father, Kiel (Robert Sena) is at odds with barangay captain Mary Jane (Isay Alvarez) who is the main provider of income for the many families in Villa Venizia. She owns a small-scale shoe factory. She also happens to be Kiel's old flame. Mary Jane is also at odds with her son, Kenny.

When Aileen's YouTube video goes viral, media flock to Villa Venizia and poverty tourism begins. Meanwhile, Engr. Fernan (Nor Domingo), a developer of a nearby subdivision that is seen as the culprit for Venizia's flooding woes, coaxes Mary Jane to stage a concert with Aileen as the star. On concert night, the flood water subsides, preventing the villagers to raise funds for their health center.

Kiel complains that it is wrong to use their miserable condition as an excuse to be entrepreneurial. He chides Aileen for choosing the concert even if her mother, Mercy (Neomi Gonzales), is recovering from leptospirosis. In a brilliant ensemble performance, the characters find a way to resolve the conflict. Indeed, they are "basang-basa sa ulan" (drenched in the rain) but they know that as the sun rises, they need to work together and re-define what it means to be truly resilient.

Rak of Aegis may have started as a joke as director Maribel Legarda pointed out. But the joke is not lost in the play's disturbing commentary about our penchant to take advantage of and misappropriate our innate resilience as a people. Playwright Liza Magtoto said she risked sounding unpopular with her belief that resilience should not be the "sole golden virtue" that we can use to survive and overcome disasters in our lives.

Rak of Aegis, indeed, goes beyond resilience.  Because as the Aegis song "Luha" ends: "Sana bukas ay nasa ibabaw naman (Tomorrow I hope, I will be on top.) When the flood is gone, the real work of rebuilding lives begins.

Our Skye above us

It has been two years since my family's last vacation.

This year, my wife Aires and I planned to spend our 12th year wedding anniversary in Palawan. We booked our tickets and flew to Puerto Princesa. Of course, the highlight of any Puerto Princesa trip is the Underground River cruise. We took a two-hour ride from the city to Sabang Port and had to wait for another two hours before we could be ferried from the port to the park itself. It was already 4 PM when we finally got inside the pitch-black tunnel.

By that time, we just wanted to get it done and over with. We did try to feel excited but the excitement lasted for a few minutes because the sights looked the same --- stalagmites and stalactites forming shapes of people, fruits, vegetables and animals. Heaven, in fact, fell asleep, oblivious to the funny spiels of our boatman who could give stand-up comedians a run for their money.

As if on cue, the boatman said: "We now go to the highlight of this cruise... Look up and you will see the sky above us. Just don't open your mouths." He was referring of course to that part of the cave that opens to a dome or cathedral where a huge stalagmite juts out from the water. The dome looks like a dark sky with small twinkling stars.

Aires and I could not help but glance at each other in the dimness of the tunnel. We have noticed that references to the word "sky" have become very frequent lately. They come at the most unexpected turns. Just like when we were feeling unenthused by the rock formations in this underground river.

It's as if our daughter is telling us: "Come on. Be excited about life. Be happy with what you have." The journey may be dark and damp like the underground river cruise but there will always be a sky above us, simply waiting at a seemingly lazy turn.

Rainbow in our Skye

I had a weird dream the other night. In my dream, Aires, Heaven and I survived the fury of Yolanda but we lost Skye in the storm surge. The fear was so real it woke me up. It took a few more seconds before I realized we did not lose Skye in a storm.

In that short wakeful moment, I thought about the storm that came to our lives. And the rainbow that came after the storm.

Skye was both storm and rainbow. She got us whimpering in the coldness of uncertainty. So many nights were spent not knowing what tomorrow would be. Yet, at the same time, Skye showed us that something as bright as a rainbow would reveal itself.

I remember the afternoons I had with Skye sleeping on my chest. I remember the time we heard her coo as if saying, “Thank you and I love you.” I remember the last time she looked at me as I lulled her to sleep.

When I face difficult tasks, I just whisper Skye’s name and remember how storms come and go. And how rainbows light up the sky.

May you all have a colorful year ahead!

Fork in the road

We all have ours.

The road forks. One goes left, the other goes right. Either way, I don't know where it leads me. Yet, I know, each road leads to something better.

It's funny how things come serendipitously. It used to be phone calls and e-mails. Now, Facebook posts and private messages bring the news. News that put you at a juncture where the road forks.

At the moment, I am just going with the flow, feeling where the ride will take me. But, there comes a time when you need to take the rein and set the direction.

I must admit that I am not sure yet which direction to go, what road to take. My heart says Left. My mind says Right. 

A month from now, I will look back and find out if the road I choose is the one less traveled by.

A year ago

A year ago

We knew not yet

So early on

We booked a room

Where we would spend

New Year’s Eve

Away from the noise

The residue that came

After thoughtless revelry

A year ago

We knew but one

That you were just doing fine

Kicking and active

In a pool of love

In your warm sac

Away from things unseen

That could hurt

Your fragile life

A year ago

We did not know

So we had a blast

At a photo shoot

A lasting moment

In one brief flash

Away from ridicule

Of tainted eyes

And malicious scowls

A year ago

No inkling we had

That you would carry

A burden much harsher

Than firework burns

We were but hours and days

Away from learning

Nature’s most cruel trick

Of life incompatibility

On October 19, 2012, Aires and I learned from an elaborate ultrasound that Skye would probably be born with a chromosomic discorder. We did not know then yet that it would be Trisomy 18 or Edward Syndrome. Two months later on December 15, Skye was born and struggled to live for another five months. She passed away on May 27, 2013.

Dearest Skye

Dearest Skye,

I love you. I miss you. I know that you were given to us for a reason. I am not sure though if I have already fully uncovered what this reason is.

I never will forget you. How you kept me awake until the wee hours? I’m sorry if there were times that I nearly lost my composure. I was just too tired and frustrated. Please forgive me.

I tell myself every day that I am ready to face any challenge that comes my way. You have made me stronger because you made me see and accept my frailties as a person, a father and a husband.

I see and feel your little hands as I wake up each day. How you help me make decisions. How you help me go to the right direction.

Please continue helping me become a better person. But more importantly, help Nanay and me mold your Kuya Heaven into a kind, responsible and caring big brother -- the kind whom you deserve to have.

Love,

Tatay