Be better

That’s what I will be this year.

A better husband. When Ondoy turned our lives upside down, I tried to be my family’s anchor, the one that Aires can rely on. There were times though when I almost gave up and could have fallen flat on my face.

A better father. When Heaven turned one year, we counted all our blessings. But I must be reminded always and listen to Aires’ words of wisdom. “Think of Heaven before you make any decision.”

A better son. When Mama got sickly this year, I was not there to play the role of the first born. I hope I can do a better job this year.

A better brother. When I got married, I vowed that my family would come first, all the time. But this should not stop me from caring for my brothers and sister. Sometimes, a “Hello. How are you?” will do.

A better friend. Drop a line. Say Thank You. Greet Happy Birthday.

A better worker. It has been 10 years since I started in UNICEF. I can still share more with UNICEF or other organizations.

A better person. When things went awry last year, I honestly did not know how I would survive. But I am still here. Scarred but still hopeful that I will look back at 2010 with better memories.

Sniff and snuffles for New Year

Heaven greeted the New Year coughing and grunting. On December 31, he had a fever that went on and off. On the third day, we were so worried that we rushed him to the hospital. The ER was filled with infants and children, sniffing, coughing, and wailing. Heaven was just too sick to throw a tantrum. But wail he did when he had a chest x-ray and when blood was extracted to run some tests. After three long hours, we just had to hear it from the doctor --- mild pneumonia.

We wanted to have Heaven confined but his other vital signs were okay. We were just advised to do home treatment. So we went home, checked Heaven’s temperature from time to time, and devised all means possible to trick Heaven into taking his sticky, bitter antibiotics meds. Not that Heaven was difficult when it comes to taking medicines. We’ve had no problem sticking medicine droppers into his mouth before.

And so that was how we spent the long vacation --- sleep-deprived and worried to the hilt. We took Heaven to his pedia twice this week. He has now recovered but still needs to catch up on his diet. He lost almost two kilograms after just five days of cough, colds, and fever.

Pneumonia in children may either be bacterial or viral. Heaven’s pedia suspects his is of the viral strain --- less severe but if unchecked may render the child susceptible to the bacterial form.

But we still wonder up to now --- how did Heaven get it? He had completed his vaccines and is still breastfed to this day. Was it at the Christmas parties we attended during the season? Was it from one of us? Was it because Heaven was everywhere, sticking his hands on God-knows-what surfaces?

However and wherever, we just reminded ourselves and Heaven’s nanny: as early as now, get Heaven in the habit of handwashing. After all as the kindergarten song goes: Clean little hands are good to see.

Home again

My family and I moved back to our home a few days before Christmas. Home is actually the Aunario’s house in Marikina. Mommy Lily and Daddy Cesar built this bungalow in 1978. After Daddy passed away in 2007, Aires and I moved in to be with Mommy.

To Aires, Heaven and me, this house is now our home. This is where Heaven came to be. We were planning to build our own nest somewhere else when Ondoy left us homeless. To others, this was a pretty good reason to move out. But Aires and I decided to renovate the house and save what’s left of its memories.

After three months of renovation, the house now looks more spacious. Heaven enjoys walking from one nook to another. His favourite spot is either the first step of the two-rung staircase (or what’s left of the former staircase) or a corner storage box. He also loves closing doors and opening cabinets. He hides behind the curtains and plays peek-a-boo with anyone who bothers. He, thankfully, has the wits and restraint not to pull stuff out of console tables.

Our threesome still sleeps in the living room because our bedroom is still full of stuff that needs a lot of organizing. But we vow to make it to our bedroom before January ends. We also plan to have a small landscaped garden in the front yard and a laundry area at the side porch. These small projects will keep us busy for a good part of the year.

Here’s hoping that there is no second coming for Ondoy this year and for the rest of our lives.

How Ondoy lost and found me

Ondoy swept us off our feet (in a not so good way) and left us, well,... homeless. It has been a month since the Great Flood of 2009 and we are still picking up pieces of ourselves --- wet documents, soiled clothes, mold-infested books, faded photographs. My family has not yet returned to our humble home in Marikina. Renovation is still ongoing, and cleaning up is taking us ages.

Ondoy did not just get our stuff wet and muddy. Memories got erased and lost. I cried when I tried to salvage what were left from my photo album. Baby pictures all the way to my high school adventures were vanishing before my eyes.

But as we continued to sort through the debris of our lives, memories were found anew and resurrected too. Old letters. Old diaries. Old secrets. Old reports.

I found my Harrison Inner View Profile Report. In October 1998, when I was still a professor at the Assumption College, I took a personality test (maybe for AC to discover if I were a threat to their students). It was a general description of my character traits relating to the workplace. It determined suitability for a particular position, even suggesting what I should take as a career.

In summary, the report reads:

“Nilo is quite open-minded and reflective. He tends to stick to a task and persevere. Nilo is good at the implementation stage of projects. He is very creative and progressive. Nilo is very innovative. He is very capable of being tactful. However, he may often have difficulty being frank and/or getting to the point. He may hesitate a great deal to express his real feelings. He can become very evasive. He is extremely helpful and conscious of others’ needs. Nilo, however, may have some difficulty putting forward his own needs. For Nilo, doing work that benefits others/society is extremely important. Nilo has a strong intention to improve himself. He is extremely empathetic and warm. He is quite flexible and adaptable to changes. He enjoys planning.”

I remember reading the report in 1998 and getting amazed at how my spontaneous responses to a random set of questions created a picture of who I was.

In the Career Options part of the report, I was presented with jobs that suited my personality. Third option is to be an interior decorator. (Maybe because I wanted to become an architect when I was young). Second option is to be a child care worker. (Maybe because I really loved being around children). First option is to be a priest. (Maybe because I did not have a mean bone in my body).

More than 10 years after taking that personality test, what has become of me? Today, I am not an interior decorator. (Although I’m acting it out now that we are renovating). I am definitely not a priest. (There’s already one in the family). I may be called a child care worker. (That’s why the C in UNICEF is Children).

I found the report among the stuff of my wife, Aires. That was strange, I thought. Later, Aires reminded me that I gave it to her in my feeble attempt to let her know who I was. (Maybe hoping that she would give me her sweetest “Yes!”). I was not sure if she read it though. She would have said “No!” after finding out I had what it takes to become a priest.

I found the report at a time when I felt down and low. Reading it made me see who I was in 1998 and who I am now. Much has not changed, I must admit. It is not that I have stagnated. It is more of me being already robust as a person when I was still in my 20s.

I found the report at a time when I needed to figure out who I was. Reading it made me see that there was no need to do the figuring out. I just needed to remember that the Nilo who took the test in 1998 may still be the same person today. (How I wish I could say the same about my weight and waistline!)

But anyway, thanks to Ondoy. I lost Myself but found Me again.

Mud, wet, and tears

I believe in angels.

Just when I felt that I would fail to save my family from Ondoy's wrath, God sent his angels. And they came in the form of garbage men.

When flood waters reached waist-high in Marikina on that fateful Saturday morning, I swept Heaven into my arms and forced Aires and our two helpers out of Aires' maternal bungalow house.

About an hour earlier when we thought that it was just a typical rainy and flooded day in Marikina, Aires and I drove our two cars (our brand new City and Daddy's old Toyota) out of the village and unto higher grounds. We should have taken Heaven with us. But in our haste, we left him with the helpers who in our short absence frantically lifted stuff like albums and Heaven's things to higher and drier spaces in the house. Aires said that we could not just leave the house without turning off the main switch. Unfortunately, we could not seem to figure out how to cut power because we already tried all switches of the main circuit to no avail.

Aires and I were able to go back thankfully. I pulled out a fuse and everything went dark. There was no more threat of electric shock just as flood water reached our bedroom. That was when I said Enough! Out we go.

I carried Heaven. Aires was with the helpers. We only had with us a bag of Heaven's clothes. The water was getting higher, and the current stronger. About two streets away, a giant dump truck passed by. We hollered and asked if they were rescuing people. The driver bluntly said no. They were just passing by, he said. Aires pleaded for them to take us to where we parked our cars earlier. Thankfully, the driver relented.

Quickly, he and his mates scooped up two other families unto the truck's hauler. They took Heaven to the driver's cabin. Along the way, we saved another family who nearly got swept away by the raging waters. While traversing the short route, we saw how the waters made vehicles look like tiny toys, and faces of people on their second floors--- all surprised at what was happening.

When we got off the truck, I saw Heaven smiling. He must have enjoyed the short trip --- his first aboard a dump truck. One of the garbage men shouted to get Heaven off the truck. Surprised, Heaven started to cry but we managed to pacify him when we got him into our car.

Everything happened in just 30 minutes. But it was 30 minutes of wrong decisions and right timing. Aires and I learnt many lessons. Think fast. Act quick. Never leave Heaven ever again. And there are angels. Hail to ours.

Trick or treat

Beautiful eyes!!!

It knocked me out when Heaven squinted three times, flashing his "Beautiful Eyes" version. He just mastered his Yehey clap recently and I couldn't get over it. And now this!!! Heaven's new yaya was the culprit. She said that Heaven easily learnt the trick. It was not difficult to teach him, she said.

Hearing this was both a relief and a worry. I am happy that Heaven is learning new tricks. Yehey? Check! Beautiful eyes? Check! But I am also worried that he will pick up not-so-nice tricks along the way. Tantrum? Check! No-no-no? Check!

Aires and I will talk to Heaven's yaya this weekend to give her Heaven's syllabus for the coming weeks. She has been with us for only two weeks. We have managed so far to show her how and what to feed Heaven, how to help Heaven take baby steps, and how to do a daily diary of Heaven's activities.

Getting a trusted yaya has been one of the tricky things about wanting the best for Heaven. All we can do is to learn to trust and to continue praying that when we are not around, Heaven is learning the right tricks and getting the right treats.

A party for Heaven

After Heaven was born, I started planning for his first birthday party. I wanted to give him a party to top all first birthday parties. The eventologist in me began designing games and tricks that have never been tried before. It would be a blast for children and adults as well.

But GFC (global financial crisis) burst my revelry bubble. And much to my chagrin, I had to let go of my grandiose party for Heaven. Aires and I agreed that we would just have a simple celebration with our immediate relatives.

And so we did not plan for Heaven’s birthday.

But as Heaven’s birthday loomed nearer, we felt that we needed to share this celebration with friends and loved-ones who all became our prayer warriors during the pregnancy. We opted for a simple celebration but had to hold two parties in one day --- for friends in the morning and for relatives in the afternoon.

I had to let go of the desire to make a perfect birthday party. I just let Kenny Roger’s Restaurant’s party team run the show. It was still a blast. Birthday parties after all are not only about the games and the tricks and the party loot bags. They are about celebrating friendships and relationships. They are about celebrating the first year in a child’s life and being reminded that we have done everything to make sure that the child survives and reach his or her potential.

And so I wish my son a happy birthday. And to all our friends and loved-ones, a very warm “Thank you very much.”

P.S. I am still planning for that one big memorable party.